7 Steps to Get Your Spouse on Board the Savings Train

Are you a saver who married a spender? It might be frustrating, but it also might have been part of the attraction.

Researchers at the University of Pennsylvania's Wharton School and Northwestern University found that people tend to pair up with their financial opposite. Savers seek spenders, and vice versa. What's more, the old adage about money causing most divorces might not be far from the truth. The same study found that spouses who differ greatly in their spending attitudes have the most marital conflict, which is "associated with diminished marital well-being."

Still, when you're ready to commit to starting an emergency fund, maxing out your retirement accounts, or just increasing your savings account balance, you're going to have to get your spouse aboard the savings train if you're going to have any measure of success.

How to Get Your Spouse on the Savings Train

Follow these seven steps to get started:

1. Before approaching your spouse to discuss money, remind yourself that the two of you are a team. This means using words like "we" instead of an accusatory "you." It also means avoiding too many "I" statements, as in, "I always pay the bills" or "I work longer hours than you." When someone takes an opposing viewpoint, it's easy to get defensive or try to prove that you are right, but it's not effective or good for the relationship. Remember that the goal is a healthy balance.
2. Sit down at the kitchen table and draw up a budget together. First, gather your bank statements from the last 6 to 12 months. Next, find out where your money goes. Figure out your average monthly expenses for each category. Categories should include anything you spend money on, such as food, housing, utilities, clothing, insurance, entertainment, credit card payments, auto loans, etc.
3. Define your short- and long-term goals together. This part should be fun. Maybe you want to pay off your credit cards, save up for a trip, open a high yield savings account for emergency expenses, or landscape your yard. Dream big, and write everything down. Be sure to include an approximate time frame and dollar amount for each goal.
4. Now work backwards. If one goal is to save $1,000 for an emergency fund in the next six months, you need to save $167 per month to get there. Do this for each of your goals until you have a monthly savings target for each.
5. Add up all of your monthly savings targets to get a grand total.
6. Go back to your expense sheet from step two. Add up your monthly income, and subtract your total monthly expenses. That's how much money you have left at the end of the month.
7. Compare the savings figure from step five to the figure in step six. To reach your goals, the money left over needs to be equal to or greater than your monthly targets for saving.

If you are spending too much to meet your goals, this is where you and your spouse decide what can be cut from the budget. The point of this exercise is to establish goals together so that you and your partner have a vested interest in reaching them. It's critical that you both have input and participate in the process.

No Surprises

It's okay if one spouse likes to manage the money, but the other should always have an idea of your joint financial state. Have weekly or monthly meetings to review finances, and give your spouse a copy of the budget you both created along with current expenditures in each category. If you're over your spending limits in a category, decide on where you can cut back or how you can move money around to compensate.

The Envelope System

If your spouse is having a hard time staying within the spending limits, suggest trying the envelope system. Label one envelope with each spending category and put the allotted cash in it each month. Once the cash is spent, you know you've maxed out spending for that category. Sometimes overspending isn't intentional; a lot of little purchases just add up quickly. Also, to keep the team spirit, use envelopes for every household category, not just the areas your spouse tends to spend money.

Finally, accept that your spouse isn't going to radically change, and that that can be a good thing. The Wharton study cited a desire for balance as a possible reason we seek our financial opposite. Savers help spenders handle money more responsibility, and spenders help savers learn how to live a little. Be sure to celebrate the good qualities your spouse brings out in you, and he or she will be more inclined to meet you in the middle!

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